Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
