I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
