Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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