How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
