VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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