Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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