you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
