Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
