You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
