I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My life is pants optional.
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