so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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