He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
