you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
