Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
