So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
