yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
