she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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