im drinking this country out of the recession.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
