she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
