did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
