I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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