Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
