I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
