both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
