Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
