i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
