I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
