I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she told me i tasted like america
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
