You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
