i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
