I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
