it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
