I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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