I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
