You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish I only lived at night.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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