So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
