Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
