i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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