none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
