Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
