Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
