Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
