3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
