Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
