Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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