Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
