wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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