I want to walk on stilts...naked
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
