We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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