She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
