I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
