i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
