I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
